I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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