my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
