So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
