wanna go halves on a baby?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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