I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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