i just sent this text using only my big toe
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
