Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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