I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
