I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My hand turned me down
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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