i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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