you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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