How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
