Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
