It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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