we have pet lesbian snakes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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