if you like me you must not know who I am
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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