On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My vagina just recognized that song.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
