This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
