She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
