Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
