dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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