She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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