So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
