She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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