walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
