i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That accounts for only three of the penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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