Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize