It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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