Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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