she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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