You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
