Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
