im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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