My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
