# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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