After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
