I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i drank out of a bidet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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