I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
