i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
