Kareoke will never be a sober sport
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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