Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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