Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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