I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
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You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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