he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
