i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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