She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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