u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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