thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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