I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
