I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's shark week go big or go home
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize