youre lurking in front of me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
