I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
