Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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