Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
