carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
