sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
