If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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