So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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