i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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