i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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