onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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