I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
