Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need to sanitize my soul.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
