I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
