I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
