Life is so much better after having sex.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
