I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
