Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
