Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
