when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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