so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
