please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
