Taylor Swift is so right about you.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
