How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
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