I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
