I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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