I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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