you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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