she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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