I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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