Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
