after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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