I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
