also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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