Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
